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The key to effectiveness in the 21st century:  HELP MAKE YOUR COMMUNICATING AS PERSONAL AS POSSIBLE

So you should wear your heart on your sleeve?  No!

You should pry into others' private lives?  No!

You should TAKE IN (expect, listen for, invite) relevant aspects of the 4 qualities that help make your conversation partner a PERSON,

and GIVE OUT (explain, share, offer) relevant aspects of these same 4 qualities that help make you a PERSON.

The four are  Choices    Reflections     Emotion-Spirit-Personality (ESP)     Mindfulness

When conversation partners do this, their contact can be #aspersonalaspossible.

And when this happens, uniquenesses meet.  Part of what makes you unique is on the table between the 2 (+) of you, and part of what makes the other(s) unique is there too.

Think back to when you last experienced this.  You had "the feeling of being felt."  So did your conversation partner.  You knew you were heard.  So did she.  You knew you mattered.  So did he.  You met as persons, not just as roles (teacher/student, woman friend/man friend, parent/child).  It's the experience of real intimacy.

Harvard professor Boris Groysberg and his colleague Michael Sind urged managers to help make their communicating as personal as possible in their June, 2012 article in the Harvard Business Review.  They call it "getting close," "building trust," "listening well," and "getting personal."

This is also what Ken Bain found out researching his book, What the Best College Teachers Do.  They work to make their communicating with students as personal as possible.

This is what physicians and nurses in the International College of Person Centered Medicine work to  Not to practice "patient-centered," or "evidence-based" medicine, but person-centered medicine.

And this is what I believe Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. meant when he urged us to overcome the fear that cripples many contacts between people with different cultural identifiers by "communicating properly."  One way to "communicate properly" is to help make your communicating as personal as possible.

Each of my most recent books explains how to do this.  U&ME: Communicating in Moments that Matter (2014) shows how to do this online, in dating and courtship, at home, on the job, in learning and political situations, in multicultural contexts, and in spiritual and religious events.

Personal Communicating and Racial Equity (2016) is an 8-step handbook for helping make your multicultural contacts as personal as possible.

Neurobiologist Iaian McGilchrist shows that the western world has been pushed in impersonal directions for hundreds of years by industrialization, mass media, and many forms of depersonalization.  As a result, he says, we're only using half our brains--the impersonal half.  When you help make your communicating #aspersonalaspossible, you can restore some balance to your cognitive functioning--you can be more of a whole person.

And when you do, your quality of life improves, along with that of those around you! 


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